2020: Variations on Journal Entries

 I always have a spiral notebook on hand in which I write, mostly to clear my mind. I decided to review some of the 2020 entries. The notebook that had January in it is long gone, and it was impossible to get 2020 into 800 words. Get comfortable.

March 3, 2020 – Everyone is in a panic about the coronavirus now that there are deaths in the US. The first deaths are here in King County, at a nursing home in Kirkland.

Today is Super Tuesday, a day when several states have their primaries. Suddenly Joe Biden is considered a front runner.

March 4 – What with the coronavirus, the Trump virus, and the cowardice and hostility of both the Democrats and the Republicans, these are not happy times. I cannot understand why so many people are so happy to throw themselves off a cliff. So they can laugh at their perceived enemies on their way down?

March 13 – Self-isolating since Tuesday, and a boring business it is. The novel coronavirus has been declared a global pandemic.

March 14 – Jay Inslee is following China’s model. Lockdown. The state is closed.

March 19 – First day of Spring. Getting out of bed did not work for me today.

April 1 – Velvet called me about 10 a.m. to tell me that her eldest son, Troy, has died. It was sudden and unexpected.

Note: a few weeks later Velvet tells me the coroner reported that Troy tested positive for the coronavirus.

April 29 – Wednesday morning. Reading a lot. Dusted off my kindle because the library’s closed.

May 13 – Headline in today’s Seattle Times: “Health experts warn of resurgence.” What? I thought we were still in “surge.”

May 14 – My Joseph’s Coat rose is blooming in the middle of May. In case I doubted climate change, which I did not.

May 25 – An African American man named George Floyd was killed today, by a policeman named Derek Chauvin kneeling on Floyd’s neck for almost nine minutes. The country is not taking this at all well.

Note: All of June and early July were taken up by a racial reckoning: Black Lives Matter protests, followed by police riots, vandalism, and arson. These encounters lasted most of the summer and included the occupation by protesters of several blocks up on Capitol Hill, in an area called CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone) or CHOP (Capitol Hill Organized/Occupied Protest). It was cleared out by police after a few weeks.

It was not only Seattle. Protests broke out across the country. People are so fed up with racism in this country. Well, some of us are. The police and the militant right-wing groups (Proud Boys, Nazis, etc.) reacted violently to the protests.

Meanwhile Trump supporters blamed everything on Antifa, which is not a thing, but a position, and does not have a capital A, and they complimented one another on how peaceful and proper their demonstrations were.

Jesus wept.

July 19 – Drove down to Dockton Park last night at 10 o’clock to meet up with Becky and Roy to see the Neowise comet. Cloudy, but we hoped. After a while I saw what looked like a strange light in the clouds, and aiming my binoculars saw the comet. Way cool.

July 24 – News conference at 10 a.m. with Seattle mayor Jenny Durkan, and Seattle Chief of Police Carmen Best. Durkan said she spoke with the head of Homeland Security yesterday and was told they saw no need to send federal troops to Seattle, and that she and Police Chief Best would be notified if troops were going to be sent. Meanwhile, Federal troops were arriving in Seattle.

August 3 (Monday) – Becky called me a little after six this a.m. to say she was up all night with chest pains. She does not want to call 911. Should she have Roy drive her up to the fire station? Well, YEAH.

(pause) Heart attack. By eleven this morning she had a brand-new stent or two in her left anterior artery. Recovery will take a while, but she’s ALIVE, and she will recover. Whew.

August 6 – coronavirus test.

August 10 – coronavirus test came back negative.

August 12 – reheated yesterday’s coffee. Drank it all. It did not have a dead fly in the bottom because I covered the mug with a Kleenex overnight. Only takes one fly to learn that lesson. FYI: a dead fly is about the size and shape of a raisin, but fuzzy.

The noise of the political campaigns is constant and unbearable.

August 29 – Second coronavirus test. Pre-admit test at Swedish. Having an angiogram on Monday (test came back negative).

September 2 – “You have the arteries of a 20-year-old!” my cardiologist enthused. I think he was exaggerating, but still, cool.

September 3 – It is a time for strange phone calls. Got a call from a scammer in southern California who pretended to be someone I knew. Said he’d been in a car accident, was in jail, and was too embarrassed to call his wife. Told me his lawyer would call in a few minutes and hung up. Sure enough, a call came through, and this guy said he was the lawyer and my friend needed $5,400 bail money, and I should help him. “How do I do that?” I asked. “Well, you go to your bank …” I stopped him right there and told him no bank was going to give me $5,400. THEN he said, “You could probably get him out for $2,000.” I laughed, told him I was an old lady living on Social Security and I didn’t have $2,000, and that’s when he hung up and I was talking to dead air. Shoot. I was just starting to have fun.

September 11 – The whole West Coast is on fire. The air is unbreathable. The pandemic rages on. The protests go on. With the internet, I feel like I am in a comfortable solitary confinement.

September 17 – Some people want everything to go back to the way it was after we have a vaccine. That will not happen. Some of the changes we have been forced to make have shown us that there are better ways than the way we have always done it. I am loving telemedicine. How much easier is it to have a phone call or a zoom session than driving into Seattle?

Then there are the terrible changes: people losing their jobs, and then their homes, and people getting sick and dying with Covid-19. Everyone is stressed out. There is talk of mental illness and the need for suicide prevention.

Here is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255. They are there 24/7. Write that down. You might need it.

As an introvert, I thought this isolation thing would be a snap. Not a snap. Sometimes I get squirrely, gasping for human contact and for singing harmony. I pick myself up and go on, and as crazy as the whole world and our country have become, I still have hope. But I will say that when Pier 58 on the Seattle waterfront collapsed, I thought, that’s it, this is the apocalypse.

September 18 – Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died.

October 4 – Trump is in the hospital with Covid 19.

October 6 – Trump was released from the hospital yesterday and said Covid-19 was no big deal. People are dying for his sins.

October 15 – Cousin Charlotte texted me at 4:30 a.m. to tell me to pray for Amy. Amy Coney Barrett, that is, Trump’s nominee for the Supreme Court. The idea is to pack the Court with conservatives who will roll back Roe vs. Wade, and put an end to the Affordable Care Act, thus depriving millions of people of health insurance.

I’m praying, all right. Why are all my family members Trump supporters?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

November 3 – Election day. I have been ignoring the news all day. Cannot bear the monkey chatter and meaningless speculations. Have a Hallmark movie on. Eating cereal and potato chips.

November 7 – Becky called at quarter to ten this morning and said, “Turn on the TV.” So I did.

The election has been called for Biden by the news networks, including Fox News. People are dancing in the streets.

Trump refuses to concede. Goes on TV to say he won. Big.

November 26 – Thanksgiving. Had a wonderful Zoom visit with my grandson, his dad, and his stepmom. A benefit of Zoom Thanksgiving: I did not have to wash every dish, bowl, and piece of silverware afterward.

December 3 – My older son called last night to tell me that one of his closest high school friends has died. Alcohol poisoning. This is a community sadness. Another island kid gone.

December 12 – Donald Trump is filing lawsuits to overturn the election, which does not seem to be working, but his followers are enjoying throwing their weight and automatic rifles around. We seem to have a cold civil war now, which is bad enough. If it becomes a shooting civil war, we will all learn firsthand what real tragedy is. As if the coronavirus is not killing people fast enough.

A vaccine has been approved and is coming this week, says the Seattle Times.

My microwave oven has died. Damned unsporting of it, in my opinion.

December 14 – The Electoral College votes Joe Biden into the presidency. Trump has lost, is still losing, and still insists the election was stolen from him. He may not overturn this election, but he has such a huge following, and so many are armed and ready to fight for him. Everyone who acknowledges that Biden won the election – including Mitch McConnell, who decided to accept the vote of the Electoral College and congratulate Biden on his win – immediately becomes Trump’s enemy, and “not a patriot.” Including the people who have supported him slavishly until now. They let in one little glimmer of reality, and pow, they are on Donald’s blacklist.

A Covid-19 vaccine has been developed and is being given to health workers first. There is hope. Our governor, Jay Inslee, wants to open up the schools.

I read this piece and think, well no wonder I’ve been feeling depressed. Suddenly it all makes sense.

Time goes on regardless, though. Let’s get ourselves psyched up for 2021.

Well, dear hearts, that is it for this year - so far. I close with the best wishes for however you do or do not observe the darkest days of the year and the return of the light as we roll around the Sun.

Special prayers for everyone dealing with cancer. I know so many of you.

Blessings, love, virtual hugs, grace, and peace be with you all. See you in the New Year, God willing.

 

 

Trumpster Fire

 

 

Remember when Hillary Clinton won the popular vote and Donald Trump won the electoral vote? Remember how his supporters told us, “You lost. Get over it.” Has anyone said, “You lost, get over it,” to Trump believers since Joe Biden was elected president? They probably would not see the irony. Or the hypocrisy.

I come from a family of Trump-lovers. Here is a quote, part of a long piece, posted on a Trump-loving relative’s Facebook page last week:

“The Democrats are right, there are two Americas. The America that works and the America that doesn’t. The America that contributes and the America that doesn’t. It’s not the haves and the have nots, it’s the dos and the don’ts. Some people do their duty as Americans, obey the law, support themselves, contribute to society and others don’t. That’s the divide in America. It’s not about income inequality, it’s about civic irresponsibility. It’s about a political party that preaches hatred, greed and victimization in order to win elective office. It’s about a political party that loves power more than it loves its country. - Lou Holtz, football player and coach.

Coach Holtz aims to vilify Democrats, poor people, and people of color, but he has described Republicans when he talks about the party that preaches hatred, greed and victimization, the party that loves power more than they love their country.

Perfect clueless projection, Coach. It is easy to tell people, “If you work hard enough and contribute, America will reward you.” I’ll bet you attribute all your success to your own efforts

It is unforgiveable not to acknowledge and respect the hard work of people who do not have enough but contribute to society all the same; who, in fact, do the hard work that keeps the society going.

 Usually when people passionately condemn behavior, the behavior they vilify is exactly what they are doing.

Hence: Trumpsters are sitting on their pity pots whining that the election was rigged. Claiming that they are patriots, and the rest of us are Socialist scum. Some are Evangelical Christians who feel superior because they know they are going to heaven and they know who is going to hell: everyone who did not vote for Trump, plus anyone who does not believe and think exactly as they do.

They call themselves Republicans, but the Republican Party is no more. It has been destroyed from within for the sake of protecting the wealth and privilege of the ruling white class. There are former Republicans who have been working to save the country from the madness of King Donald.  Perhaps they should start a party called “Real Republicans.”

The murder of George Floyd was only one of the millions of murders of black people in this country, but that particular murder lit a spark that caused a conflagration of protest and demands for equal rights, respect, and the simple ability to stay alive when minding one’s own black business. Trumpsters reacted by painting protestors as violent socialists, looters, and thieves, and then said with their bare faces hanging out that “conservative protesters are peaceful.”

Right. One word: Charlottesville.

A few more words: yeah, those Proud Boys and Nazis and Qanons and other white supremacists are a peaceful lot.

Dare I suggest that they are civically irresponsible?

Some white people believe they are losing the superior position they have always had.

They are correct.

They are not taking this shift of power graciously. Like their inglorious leader, they do not care how many people die or suffer as they pursue their goal of white supremacy and control in America. People of color are coming on strong in this country, and soon and very soon, white people will be the minority population.

Tick tock.

Pause. Deep breath.

It is easy to have some snarky laughs at the expense of people, who, with all due respect, are delusional. Snarky laughs are a good way to vent some of the anger I feel at the criminal, heartless, indeed, murderous behavior of Trump and his followers (273,709 Americans dead from Covid 19 as of November 30, 2020).

I do not know what it will take to bring us all to our senses if Covid 19 has not. Is there some threat that will wake people up and make them think, gee, we need to pull together? Evidence would suggest not.

Let us not slump back into the business-as-usual government of the pre-Trump era. We must call those who govern to account.

Stay awake, dear hearts. We shall be dealing with the delusional citizens of this country and their behavior for a long time. We are joined to them ineradicably. They are our family. They are us.

Let us try to make the family better.

Well, not me, maybe. I might be too snarky.

Veterans in the Family

 

It will be the day after Veterans’ Day when this essay hits print, so I am going to ramble on about the veterans in my family.

My grandfather, Percy Litchfield, served in World War I. Where, and doing what, I do not know. I never got to know Percy, possibly because of his last wife, Sally. Sally was not the warm grandma type. She was a businesswoman. She ran a brothel. That’s where Percy met her.

My mother always called her, “That old madam,” but I did not understand until years later that she really was a member of the oldest profession. Sally married Percy, and after he died, she inherited a lifetime income from the ranch. The ranch would not pass on to Percy’s four children (Thelma, John, Lois, and Vivian or “Chick” as everyone called her) until Sally died.

Sally outlived Percy by thirty years, and by that time my father, John, was dead, and my cousins Nancy and Charlotte’s mother, Chick, was dead, meaning that when Sally died, my grandfather’s legacy went to the spouses of the deceased and their children, and Thelma and Lois, our aunts.

“Is Sally dead yet?” became a running joke among us. That question sums up waiting for someone to die so your life will improve. Not attractive, but we made each other laugh.

My father, John Litchfield, was 29 when Pearl Harbor was attacked. A few months later he enlisted in the Army Air Corps and stayed in for the duration. He became a captain, was assigned to an ordinance group, and was deployed to Australia and then the Philippines, where, my mother told me, he did a lot of “hurry up and wait.”

Apparently, that is the nature of a lot of military life.

Then there is my brother, Allen. He was drafted in 1965 and ended up at Ft. Benjamin Harrison in Indianapolis, Indiana. He served bravely, teaching shorthand to Army clerks. Shorthand is not used anymore. It went out with the typewriter and the phone booth. Allen met his wife, Barbara, there, though, and that turned out well.

My husband Rick’s father, Mark, was an Army lifer. That is why Rick lived in Japan, Austria, and Germany, as well as the United States, while growing up. Rick loved being an Army brat. He considered himself a citizen of the world.

Mark was in intelligence where he saw and learned a lot more than people should see or learn. He lived to be 91 and took most of his knowledge to the grave. He did tell us about playing poker while sitting on a nuclear bomb in an airplane flying a zig zag route over Europe to avoid the airspace of countries that did not allow nuclear weapons in their sky.

My husband, Rick Tuel, was in the Naval Reserve for eight years, one of those years spent on active duty aboard a ship in the Tonkin Gulf doing search and rescue (North SARs) for the pilots who made it out to the gulf in their wounded jets.

The closest Rick came to dying in Vietnam was when his chief sent him out to dump garbage cans during a storm. Rick tied a rope around his waist and tied the other end to the guard rail in case he got washed overboard.

Which he did. But the rope saved his life.

Or did it? When he told me that story, he said he could swear that someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him back up onto the ship.

Then there was the time they shot off a missile that went rogue and flew between the ship’s masts before ditching in the ocean. That could have been bad.

Rick couldn’t get an Agent Orange-related pension when he needed it because in 1991 the government stopped paying pensions to Navy vets who served offshore (blue water sailors), on the specious theory that being at sea they were not exposed to Agent Orange. They were exposed, though, because Agent Orange ran down rivers to the gulf, where ships sucked up contaminated saltwater and desalinated it, turning it into potable water that had a concentrated level of Agent Orange.

America, to this day, has its eyes closed and its ears covered regarding blue water sailors. Occasionally a bill to provide pensions for blue water sailors reaches Congress, where it is either rejected, or dies when Congress adjourns that session.

So there ya go, a handful of regular guys who served during WW1, WW2, the Korean War, and Vietnam, and a little bit in peacetime. The military was a rite of passage for most young American men for a long time, but no more. My sons never knew the terror of the draft lottery. I did not mind that.

Tide’s Coming In

So I hear that people are having mental and emotional problems under the pressure of isolation, plague illness, losing their jobs, losing their homes, losing their loved ones, seeing wildfires making the sky an impenetrable fug of smoke that we have been warned not to breathe - and now Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died.

Rest in peace, mighty warrior. Thank you for everything.

Now the inglorious leader has stated his unwillingness to give up the oval office if he loses the election. He has been saying this since 2017, but we are taking it seriously now.

This election and its outcome are a BIG DEAL, but this is not the time to despair and give up, dear hearts.

If you had any doubts before RBG passed, before you-know-who announced his intentions of being president for life, before Republicans broke a foaming sweat in their haste to get a conservative justice on the Supreme Court before the election, you know now that you need to step up to the plate. Our country, our whole world, our lives and the lives of our children and their children are at stake.

What can you do? For starters, VOTE in the coming presidential election. Vote and encourage others to vote, especially younger people. Vote. It might work.

Wear a mask. Do good deeds. Encourage the discouraged. Be kind.

Then there is the weather. Even those of us who embraced the science of climate change are surprised at how soon and how virulently changes have set in.

Many of us did not foresee all the hurricanes, tornadoes, wildfires, and temperatures up to 120 degrees Fahrenheit (49 degrees Celsius) in places in California where I used to live, fifty years ago.

This summer when the entire West Coast caught on fire, a plume of smoke that looked like a genie released from a lamp in satellite pictures moved up and over and around us. Suddenly we were in lockdown again, because of smoke. I started to feel like I was in solitary confinement, albeit a comfortable and plugged-in solitary confinement.

It is happening fast - the ice shelves and glaciers of Antarctica and Greenland are melting, and one article I read speculated that when all that water is released it could raise sea level ten feet.

Ten feet. I have been trying to imagine how that would play out on the island.

Probably the end of campfires at KVI.

The ferry docks would have to be moved or raised.

Would the Burton Peninsula become an island?

The debate about whether Vashon and Maury Islands are one or two islands will be over – two islands, dude, and how shall we get from one to the other when Portage is under water? Ferries? A bridge?

If Maury becomes an independent island, will someone re-open a market and post office there? Am I the only one who thought that closing those was a dumb idea?

I look down the ravine behind my house to where it opens into the Sound, and wonder, gee, if the sea level rises ten feet, how far up the ravine is the water going to come? If there is a tsunami, will it come up the ravine and all the way to the top of the bluff? You know, where I live?

Beach house owners – condolences.

Residents next to the Fauntleroy dock will no longer complain about the ferry traffic congestion, because their houses will be under water.

But I digress.

Many things we have had to do out of expediency during the pandemic have turned out to be positive changes that will stick around.

For example: telemedicine. How much easier is it to talk to a provider from home rather than drive/catch a bus to Seattle for an appointment that lasts fifteen minutes? Not to mention parking fees and ferry fare.

Online school gets mixed reviews. This is a challenge most parents, teachers, and students never expected to face. Those of us who homeschooled before computers and the internet feel your pain. A little.

Many people are saying, “I want to go back to the way it was before.” Yeah, me, too. Life was so much easier in so many ways before the weather became homicidal, before the pandemic hit, before the land caught fire, before we had a president who is certifiable, who unleashed the hounds of violent racist hell, who would like to see a renewed Civil War, and who is backed up by what is no longer the Republican party.

We took normal life for granted, didn’t we?

We know that we are never going back. We must adapt to climate change and Covid-19 and terrible politicians, see it through, and ride it out.

So, pray to God and row for shore.

And VOTE.

Agape for All

 

Agape (ä-̀gä-pā) n [LL, fr. Gk., agapē, lit., love] (1607) 1: LOVE FEAST 2. LOVE

- Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary 

First thing I saw out the bedroom window this morning was a lot of yellow leaves on the big leaf maple tree. Autumn. Kind of ironic, considering what a crappy year 2020 has been, that I’m not in a hurry to see it go.

Name your poison: the rise of white supremacists and the further desecration and destruction of America, climate change, wildfires destroying homes and killing people, the smoke from the fires, Covid-19 (remember that?), joblessness, homelessness, poverty and hunger.

Still, the Black Lives Matter movement gives me hope. Perhaps sanity will take hold, after all. I believe that most people in this “Christian” nation would like to see Jesus’ command followed: love your neighbor as yourself.

A lot of people do love their neighbors as they love themselves and the problem is that they hate themselves. I always want to add a coda to that commandment: first, love and accept yourself. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a little agape, or unconditional love.

Now, when our country’s founders put all their high-falutin’ ideals into writing, they meant freedom and equality for white men who owned property – which they all were.

I’m sorry, white guys. I know that you are not all heartless corporate billionaires. I married a white guy, gave birth to two white guys, and I like a lot of white guys, and I realize that our society imposes an extra burden on white guys for being white guys these days, unless you are a filthy rich white guy, and then everything is business as usual.

But I digress.

Unfortunately, the inspiring language of the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights, for example, has given uppity ideas to a lot of people for whom it was never meant. You know, black people, women, indigenous people, Latinos, Asians, all people of color. Not to mention the Irish and Italians in their times.

We were taught those lofty ideals, those principles upon which our country was founded, and told we lived in the land of the free, and it was the best gosh darned country in the whole world.

We believed what we were taught.

Benjamin Franklin said that our country is a republic if we can keep it. I feel like we are losing, or have lost, our grip. So what can we do?

I strongly encourage you to vote. When you get your ballot for the November election, fill it out, sign the envelope, and either mail it (if we still have a post office) or take your signed ballot up to the drop box at the library and pop it in. Be counted. You matter. Your vote matters.

Then we shall see how it goes.

It is also past time to think about the unthinkable happening and make plans. We have been preparing for the Big One for years, now we need to prepare for wildfire. Do you have water, food, blankets, etc.? Medical supplies? A “go bag?” It is time to do whatever you can to protect yourself and your family.

You know that however the election turns out, we are in for a hard time. If Biden wins, there will be violent resistance from Trump and his supporters. If Trump wins – well, we know what that is like.

Our work is cut out for us. Us and the whole wide world. Our problems ebb and flow in their intensity and demands for our attention. Last week I was worried about a shooting war getting traction. This week I’m worried about the smoke-filled air and the people who have lost everything to fires, even their lives.

And, of course, I worry about Covid-19, the current continuo to all our lives’ music.

I hope that the foes of equality do not feel compelled to go to a full-blown civil war to preserve racism. Because ultimately this is the clash between people who want to have their human dignity respected, and people who would rather die than see that happen.

As far as I can see, there is no gospel, no doctrine, no philosophy of love and treating others as we wish to be treated ourselves, that has not been screwed up by human beings. There seems to be a primal need for war, and power, and wealth, which explains world history as well as the NFL to me.

My plan is, as best I can, to be kind to others and myself. I would like to see agape for all. Probably not going to happen, but I must work for it as if it will.

A little common sense would not come amiss, either.

Oh, the Stubbornness of Humans

 

Becky Bumgarner would like to say a big THANK YOU, from the bottom of her still-beating heart, to the EMTs who were on duty at the fire house in Vashon early on the morning of Monday, August 3rd. They totally rock, and they saved her life.

A little after six that morning I got a call from Becky. She said she had been kept awake by chest pains all night.

Now, Becky is the person who took me to the Fire Station when I had my TIA, and she said she felt much better when I got into the ambulance and headed to Swedish, so on August 3rd, when she asked me if I thought she should have her husband Roy take her up to the Fire Station to get her chest pains checked out, I said, yes, I would feel much better if she was in an ambulance and headed to Swedish.

So Roy took her up to the Fire Station, where the EMTs informed Becky she was having a heart attack. They wanted to airlift her but there was too much fog, so they whisked her off in an ambulance to Swedish Hospital at Cherry Hill, formerly Providence, where she was found to have a completely blocked left anterior descending artery, i.e., the big one that runs down the left side of the heart.

The docs put in two titanium stents.

When I talked to her later that morning, she was feeling much better.

Stents do that for people. Amazing what getting the proper amount of blood and oxygen distributed to your body can do.

Some of her heart muscle has been injured so she is not home free, but she is home, and she is recovering, and learning a whole new regimen of pills. We were talking about blood thinners the other day.

I am grateful she got in there and was saved, and so is her family, and so are her many friends.

Thanks, Vashon EMTs! Thanks, Swedish Cardiology!

When I spoke to her daughter Maggie, we expressed frustration that Becky did not get help as soon as she felt chest pains the previous Friday night.

She did call a medical advice line before she called me that Monday morning, and they told her to call 911.

“But I didn’t want to do that.”

Oh, the stubbornness of humans.

When Rick first became seriously ill, he wouldn’t go to the doctor.

"I'll work it off," he said, which is what he'd done all his life with every ache, pain, sprain, etc. Turns out you can't work off cancer or kidney failure.

I was angry about his refusal to take care of himself until he was nearly dead, and talking with other women, who said their husbands were just the same, I decided it was all men. Men! So stubborn!

And then ... I had my TIA. Transient Ischemic Attack, or a little stroke that resolved itself so was not a stroke. Woke up with a loud noise in my head, a weak left arm, and crap balance.

This happened at four or five in the morning, of course, so I called a nurse hotline and the nurse told me to call 911.

But I didn’t want to do that.

Part of the reason was that my grandson was living with me then, and he was asleep upstairs. I had to make some provision for him. Finally called Becky and asked her to take me to the ER. She came over, looked at me, and told me she would take me to the fire station.

I argued with her, but finally gave in. She took me to the fire station, where the EMTs put me in an ambulance and whisked me away to Swedish, Cherry Hill. Becky, god bless her, took care of my grandson, until she could hand him off to my son, Uncle Drew.

By the time I got to the hospital my symptoms were gone, but they kept me for a night for observation. That’s why I take a blood thinner.

So now I don't think stubbornness is a male trait. It's a human trait. I think most of us, maybe all of us, are pig headed, or simply don’t want to admit something serious is happening.

"I'll work it out."

"I'll just sit here with these stroke symptoms, and call Becky instead of calling 911."

"I'll put up with these chest pains all weekend and call Mary on Monday morning."

I'm off my high horse of being angry at Rick, or anyone, for being stubborn. It is humbling to realize that refusing to get help is exactly what I did when the time came.

The best things I learn in life involve being humbled.

Takeaway: When someone tells you to call 911, call 911. Even if you don’t want to do that.

The Seriousness of the Situation

Recently a cousin of mine wrote a post on Facebook expressing his concern that public health directives to wear face masks and observe social distancing would make him a sheep, blindly following the government’s orders.

He is worried about the tyranny of wearing face masks, but he is not worried that he is are already the willing sheep of a fascist government.

Trump claims he wants to “stop the insanity.” The insanity he wishes to stop is most of the American people demanding equality for black people, for indigenous people, for Latinx people, but mostly demanding that our police, who used to be called “peace officers,” stop killing people of color for no reason.

How dare we.

Protesters exercised their legal right to assemble peacefully. The police used their “crowd control” weapons, instigating violence where there was none.

Unfortunately, like the coronavirus, assholery is an equal opportunity employer, so we have had people going on violent rampages in Seattle, and elsewhere: Businesses attacked and vandalized, windows smashed, fires started, graffiti everywhere. This is the violence of which Trump accuses all protesters, labeling them, “domestic terrorists.” This is the “insanity” he wants to stop. The actions of a few are an invitation for him to send in his storm troopers. Not that he needed an invitation.

And oh yeah, some of those violent, destructive people? White supremacists, neo-Nazis, and QAnon geniuses, agitating for their “boogaloo,” using the protests as an opportunity to escalate violence among Americans.

The Homeland Security troops are thugs and goons. We have seen them in action in Portland, Oregon. Trump sends them only to cities whose mayors are Democrats. He is transparent about deploying his storm troopers as a political tactic to please his base, raise his polling numbers, and, he hopes, win the election in November.

His base loves seeing protesters getting beat up, shot, gassed, and otherwise injured.

Couple of weeks ago federal troops arrived in Seattle. The following day Seattle mayor Jenny Durkan held a press conference at which she said that she talked with Chad Wolf, the head of Homeland Security, the day before. He told her that he saw no need for sending federal troops to Seattle, and if they were sent, he would let Mayor Durkan know ahead of time.

The troops were in the air on their way to Seattle at the time of that phone call.

I hear that those troops have left now, after Mayor Durkan, Governor Inslee, and King County Executive Dow Constantine, the most visible of public leaders who objected to the troops’ presence, managed to convince whoever is in charge of their deployment that the troops were not wanted or needed here, and might escalate violence here as they have done in Oregon.

News reports are that Oregon Governor Kate Brown negotiated the departure of the federal troops from Portland. Portland has become a more peaceful place without them.

Supposing Trump loses the election in November. He has been open about saying that if he loses the election, he might refuse to leave the White House. Of course that is an extreme possibility. At least I hope it is. Trump is acting more and more like a cornered wounded animal.

Even if he loses the election, so much of the United States government is in ashes, so much of the Constitution has been trashed, so many fascist minions will be entrenched in government agencies and departments, and our population will still be divided almost in half. The Trump base will be mad as hell if he loses, and they have been emboldened these past four years to express their racism and act with violence.

They don’t mind fascism. They think it’s peachy, because the gestapo has not come for them or theirs yet.

If Trump wins, by hook or by crook (the latter, I’m thinking), our country will continue its downward plummet.

Even if he doesn’t win, so much of what used to be America is gone, and the rebuilding will take years, decades. That’s if enough people can keep their eyes on the prize and turn things around consistently for those years and those decades.

The United States was once the country that could call other countries to order. Now we have the fascist government so many of us have seen coming for years, and Americans are now judged the stupidest, and with the coronavirus out of control, literally the sickest people in the world.

I am sorry for our children, and our grandchildren, who will be inheritors of this sad, violent legacy.

My generation – yes, the infamous Boomers – had big ideas for the world, of making love not war, and giving peace a chance. We failed to do those things. We really did not grasp the seriousness of the situation.

Karens, Among Other Things

Recently those of us who use social media have been treated to an onslaught of videos of mostly middle-aged white women being ridiculously racist, and the name “Karen” has been applied to these women.

Now we have people who refuse to wear masks or do social distancing, people who insist that the Constitution states, “You ain’t the boss of me.” They are showing up in videos and the women are being called Karens as well.

A friend of mine whose name is Karen is feeling a little put out by all the Karen-shaming, and I do not blame her.

It’s too late, I know. This labeling racist or otherwise obnoxious white women in videos “Karen” has blown up and spread through our culture. Yesterday I found out there is an Instagram site called “crazykarens.” As soon as you say it’s a Karen story people know what you mean. This stinks for people named Karen.

It is better to use the offenders’ real names.

Early in July a white woman ran into an Asian family - mom, dad, and two daughters, plus their dog Fluffy, an 11-pound Maltipoo on a leash – hiking in the woods in Marin County, California.

The white woman blocked the trail and told the family that they were breaking the law by having their dog in the park (not true. Dogs on leash were legal). Then she told the family that they “couldn’t be in this country,” and they needed to “go back where they came from.”

The mother of the family told the white woman that she should check her own heritage and go back to wherever she came from.

If this Asian family went back where they came from that day, it was probably Mill Valley or San Rafael, at a guess.

The father of the family filmed the incident.

When white lady demanded to know the family’s name, he told her that was none of her business, then turned the tables and asked her what her name was.

By this time, her bandana had fallen, exposing her face, and she realized she was being filmed. She must have lost her presence of mind then because she walked away from the scene, muttering that her name was, “Beth.”

The father posted the video on YouTube, titling it, “Park Ranger Karen Tells Asian Family They're Breaking Laws & Don't Belong in America! (California)”

The video went viral. She was neither a Park Ranger nor a Karen. Beth was quickly identified – her name and where she worked. Within a couple of days her employers announced that after they reviewed the video, Beth turned in her resignation, and that they did not tolerate racism in any form.

I was sorry that the video title besmirched the name Karen, not to mention Park Rangers. Outing Beth’s real name led to real consequences for her.

Real names are better than Karen.

Then there was the video of a woman throwing boxes of shoes at a salesclerk. She was mad because it was store policy not to serve anyone who was not wearing a mask. This woman was so upset that she walked out leaving her wallet on the counter, making it easy for the police to round her up and charge her with assault.

Commenters on that video were unanimous in calling her a Karen and criticizing her actions. Some went farther and ridiculed her for being fat.

“Hey,” I thought, “wait a minute.”

Shoebox Woman was a violent jerk, yes, but it was her behavior, not her body shape, that was the issue. Come on, people. It’s racism and pigheadedness that we are fighting, not body shape or other physical attributes or lack of them.

Fat shaming is alive and well, a socially acceptable prejudice. More than once someone has dismissed me on sight because I am fat. Fat hating doctors are the worst. We fat women have plenty to say about those jerks, and I hope their ears are burning when we say it.

So. Those of us who are named Karen, or who are fat, are tired of the ridicule of Karens and fat people.

Real Karens, be patient. This trend will go the way of disco and elephant jokes.

Those of you who think you need to lose some weight and feel ashamed of your body? You know, some of us have lost and regained more than your entire body weight over a lifetime of trying to be “thin enough.” It is a fool’s game, and a big money-making business in America.

To quote Mr. Rogers, “I like you just the way you are.”

I did lose some weight without dieting this last fall and winter. My secret? I had cancer. Not a weight loss program I recommend.

Romance of the Rodeo Cowboy

“There’s a young man that I know, his age is twenty-one

Comes from down in southern Colorado

Just out of the service and he’s lookin' for his fun

Someday soon goin' with him someday soon”

(Someday Soon ©Ian Tyson)

Remember that song? Written by Ian Tyson and originally recorded by Ian and Sylvia, then a few years later by Judy Collins.

Ian Tyson “rode the rodeos” in his late teens and early twenties, so it is rumored on the internet, so that is where he was coming from when he wrote this – the sweet faithful young woman waiting for the rascally rodeo rider.

“My parents cannot stand him 'cause he rides the rodeo

My father says that he will leave me cryin'…”

Yep. We all hummed and sang along. Pretty tune.

“He loves his damned ol’ rodeo as much as he loves me

Someday soon goin' with him someday soon”

After my experience with rodeo cowboys, when I hear that song I want to say, “Run, girl, run! Your parents are right!”

The story: as a senior in high school I was accepted by the two colleges to which I applied – UC Santa Barbara, and Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo.

I chose to go to Cal Poly as a journalism major instead of to the University of California at Santa Barbara as a music major. For some reason I thought that journalism would get me a job, whereas music would not. Wrong – in the sixties women weren’t being hired for journalism jobs like they are now. It was a man’s world.

I knew that Cal Poly was the choice that would please my parents. It was an engineering and agriculture school with a ratio of three male students to every female student (“Cal Poly- where the men are men, and the sheep are nervous”), and it was a conservative school.

This was 1965, when the Free Speech movement had taken off in Berkeley, quickly followed by the Filthy Speech Movement. My older brother had gone to Berkeley, but I knew that my parents would never allow me, their wee ewe lamb, to go to that cauldron of Communism and dirty language.

Besides, it was a three-hour drive down 101 from Watsonville to San Luis Obispo, and Santa Barbara was another couple of hours beyond that, at least. Cal Poly was geographically much more desirable.

My mother drove me down and checked me into my dormitory that September day. I couldn’t wait for her to leave. In retrospect, I’m ashamed of how rude I was to her. She knew better than I did what my staying and her going meant. It was the end of my living under the parental roof (at least until I came crawling out of Los Angeles six years later, but that’s another story).

Once ensconced in my dorm room, I got to know my roommates and the girls living across the hall, Julie and Carol.

Cal Poly had a championship rodeo team, and Julie and Carol were barrel racers on that team. Barrel racing is the women’s rodeo sport.

So, there I was, 17, literally a farmer’s daughter fresh out of the apple orchard, and I had new cowgirl friends at this ag school.

That first quarter I met some of the cowboys on the rodeo team, and those rodeo cowboys – holy carp. I’m not sure if many of them were that devoted to academics. They were there to rodeo on that championship team. And to drink.

I can’t help but wonder if they were like other athletes who are in college for one reason – to play their sport – and their academic transcripts were cooked, if you catch my drift.

One Friday evening late that fall I went to a cowboy party. Most of the team riders were there, and soon I realized that I was the only sober person in the room.

Guess what happened.

One drunk cowboy got into an argument with another drunk cowboy, and soon that escalated to one taking a swing at the other and connecting solidly. The kid who’d been hit went down like a tree falling over and struck his head on the refrigerator. I couldn’t tell if he was bleeding from a head wound or one of his existing orifices, but there was blood, and he was no longer conscious. The drunken party goers scrambled around, trying to figure out what to do. It was decided to carry him to a bedroom where he could sleep it off. No one thought to take him to an ER or call an ambulance. Cowboys.

If I had any illusions of rodeo cowboys being romantic or glamorous, those illusions died that night.

Ian Tyson’s fantasy about that nice passive girlfriend waiting for him and following him anywhere no matter how badly she was treated – well, reality kinda ruined that song for me, both seeing rodeo cowboys in action and my young adult life navigating the stormy waters of romance. My generation of girls was raised to be that girlfriend, and I must tell you that for most of us it did not lead to a happy life.

After my disillusionment with rodeo cowboys I started hanging around with the beatnik/bohemians at school, so my parents’ worst nightmare about me falling in with the commies was realized.

Of course there was nary a commie among them. They were just young people who drank, played guitars, and sat around talking – they weren’t violent, and they had some conversation.

Big improvement over the rodeo cowboys, I thought.