Friday, September 19, 2008

I Had a Bad Dream

Dear Hearts and Gentle People,
People have been known to ask me how I get ideas for columns. This one explains in the first paragraph the jumping off point for the whole fantasy.
My only concern is that some people will not realize that it is a fantasy. I remember that when Dave Barry’s columns ran in the Seattle Times there was always an explanatory paragraph at the end stating that this was HUMOR. Even so a lot of people didn’t get it, and wrote angry letters.
I guess reality was getting me down, so a fantasy seemed attractive. But then my fantasy took a turn that was all too realistic, as you will see.
Hope you are all well - blessings, love, grace, peace, hugs - Mary

I Had a Bad Dream

Walking to the theater the other night, I noticed that three out of the ten parked cars I passed were Toyota Priuses. I remarked to my friend that apparently one of the requirements for living on the Island now is to own a Toyota Prius. We laughed, and went to the movie.
It got me thinking, though, which is always dangerous. I thought, and that night I went to sleep, and I dreamed…
“The Island Community Council met last week and declared that the Island would henceforth be known as the free, independent, sovereign nation of Salish Island,” reported Council spokesperson Samantha Earthglaze-Hudefrick.
“The name is in honor of indigenous peoples,” Earthglaze-Hudefrick noted. “However, if they want any more real estate than they already own, they’ll have to buy it at the going rate just like the rest of us.”
“This secession from the United States, the State of Washington, and King County is expected to reap numerous benefits for the residents. Of course, now that Salish Island will no longer receive any funding from those governments, a local tax base must be established. An across-the-board 90% assessment on the incomes of all residents was proposed, at least for the first three years, in order to get the country on sound financial footing. This may sound like a pretty stiff whack to the pocketbook for many people, but the council promises to use the funds accrued wisely for the good of all.”
“The change is expected to create many new jobs. Having enough customs employees to check the passport of every single person coming off the ferries, for example, would be the first noticeable addition to the employment pool, and of course we’ll need people to design, print, and issue those passports.”
“Setting up our own currency may take a while, so American money will be accepted and used for the time being. Someone suggested we use sand dollars, but that suggestion was considered frivolous.”
“The first action of the new government was to enact legislation mandating that the internal combustion engine be banned from the Island by 2014.”
“We realize this is a lot to ask of Islanders, so this will be accomplished by a gradual phase-out. All gas-powered autos, boats, airplanes, and helicopters must be gone by 2011. Motorcycles and ‘smart cars’ will be gone by 2012, and all gas-powered tools, implements, vehicles, vessels, machines, generators, and appliances by 2013. Hybrid cars will be the last to go. They must be gone by January 1, 2014.”
“After that time we hope to have in place an Island-wide electric light rail system which will serve all neighborhoods and be focused around the Island’s population centers and places of employment, rather than being focused on getting to and from the ferries.”
“Electric cars will be allowed, as well as horse, pony, donkey, goat, or dog-powered vehicles, sail and rowboats, and of course bicycles and skateboards.”
“We are confident that Islanders, being resourceful, self-reliant, and independent individuals, will be able to cope with the changes independence, self-rule, and the absence of the internal combustion engine will create.”
“In other council business, a motion was introduced to require all people who were formerly known as Republicans to wear an identifying ‘R’ on their clothing. The motion will be put to a vote at the next meeting. A committee was formed to study the feasibility of moving all such identified residents to a property that is presently a cattle ranch, so that they might have the comfort of ‘living with their own kind…’”
I awoke from my dream with a start and a shudder. Turned on the radio (NPR, of course) to get myself back in touch with the real word, and heard a guy saying that he believed it was safe to say that we are now in a recession.
So I decided to go back to sleep. After all, I can wake up from a dream.


M. L. Place Badarak said...

In know what you mean!

Speaking of dreams - here's my blog of a few months ago, with a similar take on the matter.


J.W. McClure said...

I'm all for the 'R' thing, maybe a sticker on their forehead and double the price of eggs for them.